excited......

i feel so excited about my return to work tomorrow.......

to see familiar places, faces......

wishing on a star!

when i heard this song of rose royce, i was caught by the nice lyrics and voice. i prayed that my wish will be fulfilled and the stars would make it come true. But what is happening to me? I am still trapped in childish wishes......

Palawan, 2004

Beautiful sunset at the Snake Island, Palawan

Photo with Rochelle Sobrepena at the Snake Island, Palawan

Underwater Cave entrance.....

Boracay Travel, May 2005

This is one of the 3 photos i have for my travel to Boracay before i left to Toronto in November 2005.

I clumsily erased our photos at the hotel in Aklan......I know Abby and my sister Aida were frustrated. I felt so bad!

The Big D!!!

My mind is empty now.....can't think of anything! I feel emply right now, don't know what to do or say. I feel trapped inside my soul which has nothing inside! Emptinesss is a way of looking at experience. I almost have no friends here, no one to talk to about regrets, feelings and what could have beens......

Yes, the what if's, had i not left the country....then i would still be working where i am happy. I could still be travelling and being with friends. Talking and discussing events, feelings and about the pasts and the futures with good friends, being happy! Yes, being happy!!!

Happiness is just a state of mind! Living here is quite cheery, but i have no friends to talk to......no one to laugh with......'coz we have a different sense of humour. I need to interact with different people. I know I am moody......

Or can i blame myself.....the irritability, the moodiness, and the frustrations, the headaches when i am high, and even the sweating and shakes when i am low! How can someone understand me, when i am in between all that.....there are no lights that that start blinking to alert someone that I am having a diabetic issue.

I know i should be thankful for having Frank with me....he has given me shots, treated my lows, brought me to my appointments, encouraged me, picked me up the floor after i fainted and hit my head on the wall!

Now all i can say is.....thank you for loving me, in spite and despite of all my flaws!

Blog #1

The previous blog was posted in 18 February 2006 at Yzzy Mallari's blogs, unfortunately, i forgot my password so i am re posting it here at my new blogs.

--Yzzy Mallari

Wala lang

I just wanted to say that I am very bored here in Canada. I wanted to come home to my beloved country the Philippines. I have no one here…..i can’t talk to someone about my feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Yeah I have my sister here but she’s too occupied with petty problems. She has changed. Has Canada changed her? she used to be so cool but now I can feel that there is a wall between us. We are not fighting but sometimes we don’t talk to each other, just because we don’t have anything to discuss about.

Maybe it’s because I am still jobless in spite of me here in Canada for three months and a half now. Job really eludes me, I was supposed to have a job last Friday but I baby sat my niece, went out so she could have fun……an employer called wasn’t able to check on the telephone answering machine (which I have no idea what the password of that machine is!!!) . The time I called the employer, position was already filled up…….i wanted to cry but being the eldest among the brood of 8 girls (I have one elder brother) I didn’t and said it was okay…there are still better jobs for me.

Yeah! That was me....... the optimistic person, always composed, always in control of the situation, but deep inside I am just like a lost kitten waiting to love and beloved. I am now starting to cry…..i can’t let them see me weep and vulnerable. I am strong!!!! I have to stop writing now!!!!